Just About a Bowl of Sundae
š Iām not the only one living like this, am I?_Kim Seung
Iāve always wondered what it would feel like to read a book written by someone I know. Not just a distant acquaintance, but someone Iāve talked to enough to know a little slice of their life. There were many stories I didnāt know, but it was definitely proven that this person is the type I like.
Reading stories about old people who pretend to be cool about death, and the consistent, pure feelings for his father (I think āpureā is the most fitting word. Itās very similar to my own father, so Iām delighted that next time we meet, weāll have comfortable topics to talk about besides Hong Sang-soo) reminded me of a quiet, cynical tone, and it made me laugh. I wonāt say much more. Congratulations, and itās truly wonderful!!!
š Thoughts and Sentences I Liked
I am currently renting the āimpressive-lookingā job of an editor for 300,000 won. Itās like 300,000 won is the maintenance cost for the illusion (perhaps to satisfy myself, the speaker, rather than the listener) that comes with saying Iām an editor.
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I havenāt become so weak as to cry when a spider dies, but there are times when I well up with emotion, doubting whether I am truly living well. It might not be that Iāve gained the leisure to see other things, but rather that Iāve started avoiding looking at myself. Afraid to face my rotten teeth, I brush them while staring at a spider, and afraid to reflect on my own day, I think about the life of a spider.
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Old people pretend to be cool about death. They take all their supplements and exercise diligently, then package it with the term āhosangā (a peaceful death) and say other old people should hurry up and die. They say, āLiving long isnāt a blessing,ā yet theyāre diligently chewing yukgaejang, determined to live. These are remarks that invoke death to gain sympathy, all while struggling to stay alive. Theyāre like companies that put up slogans for beliefs they themselves fail to uphold the most.
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Family is like lower belly fat that wonāt go away no matter how hard you try. Itās not good for your body like muscle, yet itās stubborn fat in the lower abdomen thatās hard to get rid of even with effort. Family is inescapable fat for one another. There wonāt be a moment in my life when my body fat is 0, and there wonāt be a life without family either.
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Unlike a body that excretes food after consumption, relationships often omit emptying. Relationships continued, holding onto bad things like chronic constipation. My heart ached like a body struggling to excrete. If the anus were shared by the intestines and the heart, it would be great if bad things from the heart could also pass out, but the body isnāt designed that way.
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Why did Mom invest her life in me, someone like a negative-return fund? Even a lifetime wouldnāt be enough to repay all the principal and interest Mom gave me, but from now on, I want to live as much as possible without overdue payments or additional loans.
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When I wrote poems I liked, I got criticized, but when I wrote poems that even I didnāt understand, I received praise. I read poetry collections that others praised, but I didnāt understand them at all, yet I pretended to like them. By consistently writing poems and getting criticized, I naturally drifted away from poetry. I became someone who could pretend to know about poetry, but I became someone who couldnāt write it.
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When introducing myself to someone, I often say ātenant.ā A tenant living off my fatherās house. Even a lifetime of repayment wouldnāt be enough. What Iām talking about here isnāt emotions, but money. If I start repaying the emotions Iāve received, Iāll only give back bad things, and Iāll end up being arrested for elder abuse.
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If you ask how many books Iād like to sell, Iād say enough to have extra money to order an additional bowl of traditional sundae when eating sundae-gukbap with my parents. I canāt tell my parents about the book, but I want to show filial piety to the extent of one bowl of sundae.