The Last Hue of Life

There are times when I don’t like myself, always complaining – saying I have no time when busy, and feeling powerless when idle, no matter what. That’s how I feel these days. Thankfully, books read smoothly. I read good books, get a prescription for my heart, and decide not to rush, but as soon as I turn away, I’m still flustered by anxiety, and frankly, I look pathetic.

I spent a lazy morning. There’s no clear work I need to do, and I have no desire or will to force myself to find work. I went out to a store to buy a sandwich for lunch, heard a cheerful radio broadcast, and barely managed to regain some energy. I came home, brewed coffee, and read in one sitting. These were the sparkling reflections of philosopher Kim Jin-young, who, after being diagnosed with cancer, sat by his bedside writing notes until three days before his death. As I touched the last hues of his life with my eyes, I felt ashamed of myself.